Out of the blue I had to ask myself a question if there was anyone I particularly identified with....But I have got no answer from myself as of yet. I first asked myself about what my identify was who was I where did I come from...what was the purpose for me to have burst one fine December day into this world.
I have not found the answers to all the questions of identities and definitions....I am definitely not suffering from any identity crisis meaning to say that it does not bother me that I do not know who I am or why I am the person that I am presently, but the hollowness of knowing something is missing is ever present. Never have I found a particular something or a particular someone to hold my attention....Yet I do not suffer from Attention Deficit disorders but yet nothing seems to hold onto this mind of mine for anything longer than 48 hours. It is not just my attention but also my definitions about myself that changes as quickly as the weather and most of those definitions are as wrong as the local weather office's Weather forecasts.....but one thing that somehow has held my attention for the longest has been the sky....probably since it is the most unpredictable of the canvases we have access to everyday it holds such significance to just so many of us....I have yet to see a day when the sky was the same as any other day...Bar the sky nothing is worth my while even the important things like my friends...a new car.....a beautiful girl, an exam just beyond the horizon.....or even my parents.
It thus comes out of no surprise that I haven't found anything that I am particularly good at doing as I probably have never done a thing so well as to say that I have completed it.....bar photographs I take stilling the moment I shot... nothing has ever been completed in my life there has always been something left undone for the want of effort for the want of intelligence. It is strange that no matter what I do I feel like a fish out of water.....Not knowing however what Water might be for me......the complexities of daily life that every one is so used to face keep overwhelming each day. There is not a day that I do not wonder just what is it that makes me feel so incomplete no answer seems satisfactory enough....Will be soon forced to revert my reading habits to just look-see if my problem is not as unique as I may think it to be. Maybe in one of the many designs of the written word I shall find someone like me someone as clueless as I am currently and how he redeems himself by finally getting to know and perform his Karma to gain his form of
ultimate Nirvana......His moksha in life and how it might be analogous to mine would be great to see....
As of now I just hope that this blog will not be a victim of my fickle nature....but I may never even remember having written this.
