Dreams,the bee paradox and abandonment

The life this far has had a lot of chances thrown to me to shine to make something out of myself. I was a s most people when given their chances are hopeful wide-eyed with anticipation and just happy to have been given the chance to do really do something.
But it is a fact that I truly have yet been to stay the course of anything. There are the proverbial pile-up of unfinished and abandoned projects in the Garage--> that is my Study, my Bed-room and mostly my Mind. I was once a fledgling painter, yet another time a great orator in my own mind, I still remember the time when I tried my hand unsuccessfully yet again to become a guitar player.....two lessons was all it took to let me come around to the fact I did not even have the zing of the guy playing at the roadside or in the street corner (I have been watching a little too many Foreign movies there are no....well almost no one playing Guitar on Indian roadsides or street corners). I had a very early realization of what Chicken Little's father tells him that one must not dream impossible dreams if he does not want to be heart-broken. But the dreamer in me is currently concocting an evil plan of transforming me into a techie which frankly is moving like a runaway train towards failure...well it might be too early to comment yet.
I once heard in a television serial the Wonder Years that when we are children are little bits of so many things.....we are little bits of an actor, little bit of an artist....a dancer......a scientist....even a teacher. Life is nothing but a process eliminating all those possibilities one by one till one remains that we are really good at and we end up becoming that something we are the best at. I am still at a juncture of eliminating those possibilities and yet new ones keep pouring in. I have no choice but to dig in and give everyone of those possibilities my best shot and hope not to iterate the inconsistencies of my past and complete a few of my garage dreams...
True impossible dreams can only but lead to heart-break but yet the paradox of the Bee helps me keep going...that paradox is, “According to all known laws of aviation,there is no way a bee should be able to fly, Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.”---> courtesy “Bee Movie”. I still do dream what other might think impossible dreams but the truth is others do not really care for what I may or may not do or think all I really have at the end of the day is me and my dreams.
Then again it is true that no man is an island and the same applies to me, I do not claim to be alone in anything I do because looking back the few successful ventures I was in my friends did help and encourage...and also dreaming too much can lead to nothing getting done so it is not just me and my dreams but rather Me my dreams and my ensuing actions in order for the realization of the dream. I am taking a step each day to become someone of action.

The Beginnings

The story of my life so far has been one of choices that I made and the consequences of those choices. The choices that my life has put before me thus far have not been that tough. But as any anyone who has made choices will know how difficult it is to choose between even very limited number of options. It is almost like being in the ice-cream parlour choosing which flavour to have and being weighed down by the Knowledge of the fact no matter whatever flavour you may have you will end up missing the other delectable offerings. But yet you know to choose one you need to deliberate well in advance....probably the night before narrowing down your choices to preferably the one you might be having.

The ice-cream parlour that is my life has not made it easy for me to choose....and I am not even talking about the very tough choices like For Love or For Money, Love some you cannot live without or someone who cannot live without you, Parents or Conjugal relationship.....none of these tough choices but pretty simple ones like whether to watch movies or to read books. Whether to be more considerate in my behaviour towards others or just to be used to having my own way round things, on whether or not to say the truth about who broke the Jade vase the other day......and the likes of such trivial choices. Now since my life as I said has been a story of my choices I should say since the choices are trivial my life is trivial. My life is so utterly mundane that I forgot what I did yesterday.

I remember When the character played by Kevin Spacey in American Beauty says “O don't worry I would not remember me either”, it is true that I have an Utterly forgettable life, since however it is the only one I have I try to make the the best of what I have, I do not have a choice to escape to some secluded paradise sealed from the world of choices and consequences. I just make do but strangely this process of just trundling through life does not seem to me as if I am not going at the pace I should but rather it makes me think I am doing my best to keep up. But it is clearly the case where my best is not good enough to have what may be considered a functional life.

No I do function in life...I take out the garbage, clean my room(occasionally),clear the cobwebs from old wardrobes, bring groceries, shop for clothes and the like, but not function as much as I might have wanted myself to, it is a full time job doing the chores that I do yet it makes me feel that I have probably not taken the right choices and thus the consequences of those flawed decisions beckon.

Everyday is a learning process and the Learning curve is steepening with the increasing complexities that are thrown to me with the realization that I am past eighteen and soon I shall be moving out and into the world.